Workplace Tip

Anytime people are installing a large computerized device with a keypad and intercom in your work area and they haven't mentioned anything about it to you; right away would be a good time to start looking for a new job.

My office just completed installation on a computerized entry system for the front door. One of those things with a directory guests can use to page the employee they are coming to visit. Today they fired the receptionist and the file clerk who was also the second string receptionist. Nothing like being around to see them install the machine that is going to replace you.

Here's a Baseball Promotion That You Can't Pass Up

July 8th the Bowie Baysox (the Orioles AA minor league affiliate) will be hosting Inhalant Abuse Night at the ballpark. No word yet on whether the give-a-way will be glue, aerosol whipped cream, or spray paint.

BTW -- just in case you're a kid who's wondering what will get you high in your own home, the American School Counselor Association kindly answers that question. Just about everything:

Nationwide, children abuse more than 1,400 everyday products, according to a statement. With the cooperation of the American School Counselor Association (ASCA), Louie, the Baysox mascot, and team representatives will visit dozens of local schools to discuss inhalant abuse.

I love making up numbers too. I've had sex with 250 thin, attractive women over the past 10 years. None of them have had an STD. I also make $150,000/year, and this blog as a daily traffic of over 100,000 unique visitors. See, isn't it fun to make up numbers?

Link

A classic draft day diary from Bill Simmons. If you like him even just a little go read it it now. Great stuff.

Vladimir Putin Gets Some New Homeboyz

A friend alerted me to this BBC story, which only sounds like a Dave Chappelle skit:

Russia's energy giant Gazprom has signed a $2.5bn (£1.53bn) deal with Nigeria's state operated NNPC, to invest in a new joint venture.

The new firm, to be called Nigaz, is set to build refineries, pipelines and gas power stations in Nigeria. (emphasis added.)

Analysts say the move could further strengthen Russia's role in supplying natural gas to Europe.

The agreement comes during a four-day African tour by Russian President Dmitry Medvedev.

As well as forming Nigaz, Russia is keen on developing a trans-African pipeline to transport Nigerian gas to Europe.

Read the whole BBC article here, which has a few more mentions of the company's name.

1,000,000 Visitor

We have officially crossed the 1,000,000 hits mark as of a few weeks ago. Sorry, I was derelict in my blog managing duties by not mentioning this monumental achievement.

Let me now take a few moments to highlight some of our important pieces of work that have helped drive our traffic over the years. While you might at first glance think that 97% of our traffic is driven by people looking for porn -- with or without horses -- and not return readers looking for insightful commentary on the news of the day, I'd like to think that....well....fuck....I guess it is the case. Anyways, enjoy some of these labels and posts that remain, day-after-day to be the traffic whores of TtP.

Wishing for 'Piss Christ', Again

Lief Garrett Jailed in LA

Label: Whores (Not to be confused with our Prostitution label.)

Label: Boobies

Smoke 'Em (Thru the Glory Hole) While You Can

No More Tolerance for Horse Fucking. Even if the Horse Wants It.

Label: Bestiality

Mark Sanford, Digging That Hole Just A Little Deeper

I don't have much else to add to the saga of Mark Sanford except to say that Argentina is a hell of a long way to go for a booty call. Well, that and it is yet another defeat for the small government movement since Sanford was one of the few governors to voice any opposition to Obama's runaway deficit spending.

The news did spur me to read a March profile of Sanford that had run in the American Conservative. The issue had been lying around my office and I had never bothered to pick it up before. It's a decent piece and fairly flattering towards Sanford, though the author obviously had no inkling of Sanford's indiscretions.

Amusingly the magazine is now trying to distance themselves from the governor. In the print edition the profile is titled "Plain Right: Can South Carolina's Governor Save the GOP?" The online version has been retitled "The Strange Case of Mark Sanford."

Anyhow, the one bit from the article that really does fascinate is this nugget about a different scandal involving Sanford:

During Sanford’s first gubernatorial campaign in 2002, an 8-year-old African-American girl wandered onto a Sanford family property on Lady’s Island and drowned. A source close to the governor said she fell into a “retaining pond.” Her family’s lawyer, Manning Smith, called it a “pit.” Other sources claim that Sanford, who owned a hydraulic excavator at the time, digs holes on his property to unwind. According to a source involved in the settlement, the governor’s insurance company paid the girl’s family “around $300,000.”

He digs enormous holes in the backyard to unwind? Umm, okay ...

Humpday Post

Something about the incoming e-mail *ding* that can be constantly heard in an open work-space really perturbs me. My cube neighbor coughing up internal organs followed by a oink (I think it's a swine flu joke) isn't pleasant either.

Funny item in the Onion today: World's Worst Person Decides To Go Into Marketing

I'm thinking you could do a similar item for Human Resources...

I'm not sure what I think about this Gov Sanford MIA story. It's interesting, that's for sure -- and makes for good reading -- but I don't think I don't know if I should/or would care one way or the other if I was still a resident of South Carolina. I'm leaning towards no. But I like the guy a lot so I'm willing to admit some bias towards thinking he ISN'T a fucking lunatic.

It's hard though being a libertarian sympathizer (speaking of myself) when most of your political leaders are in fact borderline lunatics. It makes you -- in a case such as this one -- a little gun shy about defending the guy right off the bat.

(We could argue for a while about where exactly Mark Sanford fits on both the libertarian scale and the crazy scale. I'd argue he is pretty advanced on the libertarian scale and just the right amount of crazy. But I wouldn't be willing to place a large bet on either one of my guesses.)

Can You Say Social Security?

As stay-at-home moms everywhere eagerly await the Smoker-In-Chief's upcoming 4th presser in about 3 minutes, (it seems like there have been more, no?) I remain unconvinced that he is going to be able to accomplish any of his lofty domestic goals, especially health care and that it could prove to be a Bush social security reform moment for Obama.

I'm not really basing this off of any of the recent polling data, it's more just a gut feeling from a sales guy about the angle Obama has taken on health care reform. Selling health care reform as a necessary part of balancing the budget is a pretty gutsy and transparent move. This might be a case of me giving too much credit to the average American, but I get the feeling that most people see right through his pitch, and that's the point where customers stop listening to a sales pitch.

For starters -- and lots of people have made this point -- it's tough to convince people you care about spending and balancing the budget when you are spending like Obama has, and will continue to do. Also, I'm pretty sure that most semi-educated folks understand that universal health care would cost more money, but feel as though health care is a right in a developed society and is worth the trade-off of additional costs. I don't agree with that, but it's a position that one can defend. Most discussions I get into with co-workers centers around the fundamental issue of whether people have a right to free health care, and exactly what "free" health care entitles one to. Until Obama has that discussion with the American public I don't think he can make much headway in his pursuit.

Don't Delis Usually Have Meat?

Perusing the classifieds on craigslist:

This is your chance to work in a strictly lacto-vegetarian/vegan deli....we have 2 locations....1 in Timonium and 1 in Monkton. Please specify which area you are most interested in when applying. Looking for someone who is self-directed, motiivated, clean, on time, knowledgeable about vegetarian food, kind, easygoing and works fast. No slowpokes need apply. Pay contingent upon experience and what you offer to the business. Must learn to use register, make sandwiches and juices, clean, do prep and other related tasks. If you know how to cook and have worked with food professionally that is a huge plus. For the most part, if you say "I like to cook for myself", that doesn't count as professional experience. Respond quickly because these jobs will not be open for long. Looking for part-timers and seasonal workers (Monkton location). If you don't like to smile, don't respond to this add. Peace. Also offering unpaid internships to folks who want to work in our places

Gee, who wouldn't want an "unpaid internship" at a vegan sandwich shop. Sweet gig to put on you resume. Hey future employers, I was stupid enough to fill bread for free. Hire me!

Which reminds me -- I have an unpaid internship available in my home office that involves doing all my daily chores (minus masterbation) and assorted day job work. Hit me up if you are interested.